How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub….

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger….

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39 😉

Thought of long life

Man : Is there any way for long life?
Doctor : Get married.

Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.

There are only 2 options left

My heart problem has
reached a critical stage.
That doctor says:
There r only 2 options left��
ICU
Or
U C Me.

Never KISS a lady police

Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.

Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please

Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time

You will die within 2 hours

Doctor to Pandit : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Pandit : Yes. A good doctor.

habit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

A cute little smile 4 breakfast

Doctor’s prescription 4 u.
A cute little smile 4 breakfast.
More laughs 4 lunch.
Lots of happiness for dinner.

Doctor’s fee? An sms when u r free.

Your husband needs rest

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and peace so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!

Reports got mixed up

Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
We don’t know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!
husband: What should i do now?
Doctor – Send her 4 jogging,
if she returns, don’t sleep with her!

Good / bad news after wife accident

A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I’ve bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: oh my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I’m kidding, She is Dead… =P =D

Monkeys play football

Hindu to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.
Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.
Hindu: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.

Doctor suggested full body Xray

Pandit said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in “Ungli”

Chances of my recovering?

Chances of my recovering?
Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated.The others all died.

Q:Why is a Hindu standing below a tube light

Q:Why is a Hindu standing below
a tube light with a open mouth?
A:Because his doctor advised him
Todays dinner should be light

Pandit on phone

Pandit on phone:
Doctor my wife is pregnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Pandit: No this is her husband speaking

Awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta

Santa: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun
to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa: Phone karte waqt.

Man told his doctor

The man told his doctor that he was not able to do
All the things around the House that he used to do.
When the examination was Complete,
He said: “now, doctor, i can take It.
Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,”
The doctor replied, “you are just lazy ”
“okay,” said the man.
“now give me the medical term so i can tell my wife”