Funny Fart Jokes

Funny Fart Jokes

I want you to know that every time I Fart under the covers…

I’m doing it because I care about you and I want to keep you warm.

Don’t fight my methane cuddles. Enjoy them.

Life is spent in 3 stupid STAGES

Life is spent in 3 stupid STAGES
Have Time & Energy Bt No Money
Hv Money & Energy Bt No Time
Hv Time & Money Bt No Energy

Husband wanted to call the hospital

to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, “How’s the situation?”
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.
They said, “It’s fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!”..:-P

Lecture on Sun

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

Open lunch box in the middle of the road

Santa opens his lunch box
in the middle of the road….why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going
to or coming back from the office

Fact about women

Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . 😀

A bull and a cow is grazing in the field

Teacher : Correct the sentence,
“A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Miss use of english!!

Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So the Teacher Drew The Diagram On the Blackboard
“Don’t Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure”:D

Kept the door open while bathing

Do U know why a santa kept
the door open while taking a bath?
Because he was scared that someone
might see through the *KEY HOLE*.

Osama Bin Laden’s favourite song

Osama Bin Laden’s favourite song:
“O Main Nikla
Plane Leke
Raste Mein
New York Mein
Ek Mod Aaya
Main WTC Tod Aaya.”

Why Pakistanis are easy to identify..??

Why Pakistanis are easy to identify..??
*Everything cooked in ginger garlic paste and onion.
*Re-use of gift wrappers.
*Always arive atleast an hour late to a party.
*All siblings have rhyming names.
*Talk for an hour at the gate when leave someone’s house.
*You live with your parents even when you are 40 years old.
*Sofas and carpets are covered with bedsheets.
*Cover everything with plastic even if its a remote control. 😀

Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars

Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars,
18 Bikes, 4 Bungalows, 3 Farm Houses
What do you have?
Poor Man: I have a boy
whos Girl Friend is
Your Daughter..!

Dead body cycling to school

Teacher: Bobby! Join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Bobby: I saw a Dead Body Cycling to school. 🙂

Sitting on the top of mountain

Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying….
When a person asked what he was doing….
He replied… Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar…!!!

I almost cried

Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
“Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching”
Really touching na?
I almost cried;->

A person who keeps on talking…

Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Live in center of believe

How can u believe on the word ‘believe’,
when there is a lie in center ? 😉
– Think..

Usama asked Kajol,hows ur life?

Usama asked Kajol,hows ur life?
She replied,kabhi khushi kabhi ghum.
Then Kajol asked Usama,what abt U?
He replied,kabhi BUSH kabhi BOMB.

Practical exam, and legs test

In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird’s name
Santa:I don’t know
Examiner: U r failed.Whats your name?
Santa: You see my legs, and tell me.

Cant lie till Z

A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excellant
F : u r always First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z…

How old is your father?

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

Read this scary story if you dare

On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
“DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU’ll face problem”
Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page.
But,after a week,
Out of curiousity he opend the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
Retail Price: Rs 30/-

Santa And Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy

Santa And Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages,
pakka truck accident case hai.
Banta: Aaho,
truck number bhi likha hay, BC-1760

A Teacher lecturing on population

A Teacher lecturing on population –
In India after Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Santa stands up-
we must find & stop her!.

2 friends…

2 friends,
“see” & “saw”:
1 day “see” saw sea & “saw” didnt see sea.
“See” saw sea and jumped in sea.
“Saw” didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
“See” saw “saw” in sea & “saw” saw “see” in sea.
“See” “saw” both saw sea & both “saw” & “see” were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!

Have you caught the thief

Police Inspector : Have you caught the thief?
Sharef : No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector : What?
Sharef : Finger prints.
Police Inspector : Where?
Sharef : On my cheeks.

I’ll have to take a bite of you.

The length & breadth & height of you
total up to quite a view,
but to taste the true delight of you
I’ll have to take a bite of you.

How do u spell crocodile

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

The best quote of advertisement

The best quote of advertisement
written in front of a famous beauty parlour :
“Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here,
She might b your grand mother…”

Choosing Career Is Like Choosing Wife

Choosing Career Is Like Choosing Wife
From 10 Girl Friends.
Even If U Pick Most Beautiful,
Most Intelligent,
Kindest Women,
There”s Still Pain Of Loosing 9