How to impress a girl / boy

How to impress a girl

>Respect Her
>honor Her
>Love Her
>Protect Her
>Care For Her

How to Impress a boy

>Just smile once
>Game over

A successful man / woman

A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.

Understanding a girl is like

Understanding a girl is like
downloading a 1 GB file at a speed of 2kb/s

At the stage of 99% completion…
you are likely to get ERROR-INVALID FILE

Try again

Diff B/W Ignorance & self control?

Diff B/W Ignorance & self control?

When u c mirror & u don’t laugh at yourself,
that is ignorance!

&
When i look at u & i don’t laugh,
thats called self control:-)

What if you don’t see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
“how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?”
The man couldnt believe his luck: ‘that would be great’!
Monday passed and he didnt see her……
Tuesday and wednesday passed too…..
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye;)

Why r all these people running?

Pandit-
why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Pandit-If only the winner will get the cup,
why r others running?

World is full of willing people

World is full of willing people
Some willing to work
and others like me,
Willing to let them work

Dil diya tha mohabbat ki nishani samajh kar,

Dil diya tha mohabbat ki nishani samajh kar,
Wo kha gaya use BIRYANI samajh kar.
Khoon-e-jiger B na chora zalim ne,
Wo B pi gaya LIMON PANI samajh kar.

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife) ?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”

Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”

70 % Discount if selected in 5 minutes

A Serious Statement
written outside a Women shoe shop
.
.
.
.
70% Discount
if you select in 5min πŸ˜›

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law?

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really,
but I don’t see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!

I just feel u….

I just feel u….

Whenever I feel u….
I just miss u …..
Whenever i miss u ….
I just wanna See u ….
Do u know why…….

It’s juts because …………

******I LOVE CARTOONS*******

Golden rule to be happy with man/woman

Golden Rule:-
‘To be happy with a man,
love him little and understand him a lot.

To be happy with a woman,
love her a LOT and DO NOT TRY to understand her :)”

How can a Pandit Kill a Lion ?

How can a Pandit Kill a Lion ?
Pandit ji thinks N thinks hard
&
comes to a conclusion:
I’ll drink poison n let lion eat me.

Yoga cured nervousness

A young woman who was worried about
her habit of biting her fingernails
was advised by a friend to take up yoga.
She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga
had totally cured her nervousness.
“No,” she replied, ”
but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.

No 1 will touch ur mom

A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.

He replied:
“So that when i die no 1 will touch ur mom”

A man spotted an old brass lamp

One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside.
He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared.

“i’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said,
“I want a spectacular job – a job that no one has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.”

“poof!” said the genie. “you are a housewife.” :p

A perfect girl …

A perfect girl
Doesn’t bother,
Doesn’t shout,
Doesn’t flirt with others,
Doesn’t lies,
Doesn’t cheat,
.
.
.
And
.
.
Doesn’t exists :p

clapping!!

5 funny facts of life

Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.

Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.

You can’t buy love
but you pay heavily for it.

Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he’s wrong and wife too agrees with him.

Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p

10 marks in an exam

Question: “How to kill an ant?”

Asked in an exam for 10 marks!

Student:
Mix chili powder with sugar,
&
Keep it outside the ant’s hole

After eating,
ant will search for some water near a water tank.
Push ant in to it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire,
When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!
Then admit wounded ant in icu!
And then
remove oxygen mask from it’s mouth and kill the ant 😐

Moral:
Don’t play with students!
They can do any thing for 10 marks

This horrible thing is what you call modern art

Pandit at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Read each word Reversely

Read each word Reversely:

A’
suomaF
rotcoD
dloT
eM
tahT
ylnO
latneM
stneitaP
evaH
ehT
tnelaT
oT
daeR
$M$
revenehW
stI
nettirW
‘…ylesreveR

Desperate to get married

Marriage is like a public toilet

Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..

You know why women starts with ‘W’…

You know why women starts with ‘W’…
because all questions start with “W”.. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!

Be a millionaire within few months

Repeat these lines at least 2 hours
everyday after Namaz outside the mosque
& u will b a millionaire within few Months.
“Allah k naam par dey de baba”

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub….

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger….

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39 πŸ˜‰

Yoga affect on drinking habit

Yoga teacher to a woman:
Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, Yes !! An amazing effect !!
Now he drinks the whole bottle
standing upside down over his head.

What A Mystery

What A Mystery
A cockroach is afraid of Rat,
Rat is afraid of Cat,
Cat is afraid of Dog,
Dog is afraid of Man,
Man is afraid of Woman,
And Woman is afraid of
.
.
.
.
.
.
cockroach!

Height of Begging

Height of Begging

A Sleeping Beggar Puts Up
A Notice Board In Front Of Him:

“Please Do Not Make Noise By
Dropping Coins…
Offer Notes … ” =P =D

Question by a student !!

Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can’t
teach us all the subjects,
Then…
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?