Who is guilty (Husband / Wife) ?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”

Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”

5 funny facts of life

Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.

Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.

You can’t buy love
but you pay heavily for it.

Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he’s wrong and wife too agrees with him.

Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p

Difference between Husband & gadha

Difference between Husband & gadha.

Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!

Wife:What is 10 years with me?

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Wife came home with a goat.

Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife:”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”
Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon”

Position of husband is like a split A.C.

Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.

Husband to a newly wed wife

Husband to a newly wed wife!
I could go to the end of the world for you
Wife:Thanks,but promise me
you will stay there for the rest of your life.

Wife said I’m dying

Husband texts to wife on cell..

“Hi,what r u doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”

Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language!

Wife comes home late at night

Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s

“hi darling”, he says,
“your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.

A line on a Husband’s T shirt

A line written on a Husband’s T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..:-P

Secret of successful marriage

A successful marriage is based
On give & take:

Where husband gives money,
Gifts, dresses n wife takes it

&

Where wife gives advices, lectures,
Tensions & husband takes it..!!

How woman calls their husband in first 6 years

How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?

I was a fool when I married you.

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Wife: What is so interesting in me

Wife: What is so interesting in me?

Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

A Blind wife and a deaf husband.

A good marriage would be between
a Blind wife and a deaf husband.
Michel de Montaigne

Any boyfriend before marriage

Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent ����

Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De��.

habit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

Husband aur wife in hotel

Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,”Koun Thi Wo?”
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.

Daughter will snag a better husband

Every mother generally hopes that
her daughter will snag a better husband
than she managed to do…

but

she’s certain that her boy will never
get as great a wife as his father did.

3 Movie tickets

Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.

So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.

Husband at the bank

Wife called her husband
Wife: honey where are you?
Husband: I’m at the bank.
Wife: dear, please I need 3000 rupees to activate my blackberry,
5000 to do my hair and
10,000 to buy a dress.
Husband: sorry, I meant I was at the “bank” of a river.
Do you want fish to cook?

Wife : I saw in my dream

Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
.
.
Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill

Wife: If I die what will u do?

Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!

Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?
Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

“If U Didn’t Get It Go Watch Pogo”:p

Dream of receiving jewelry & cloths

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!

Wife: Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience

Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

Your husband needs rest

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and peace so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!

A man / woman speaks

As per research

A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000

Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..

Nothing in this world Could ever be

Nothing in this world Could ever be
As wonderful as the love You’ve given me
Your love makes my days so very bright,
just knowing you’re my darling wife(Husband).
Happy Wedding anniversary