Why r all these people running?

Pandit-
why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Pandit-If only the winner will get the cup,
why r others running?

How can a Pandit Kill a Lion ?

How can a Pandit Kill a Lion ?
Pandit ji thinks N thinks hard
&
comes to a conclusion:
I’ll drink poison n let lion eat me.

This horrible thing is what you call modern art

Pandit at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

I wanna die like my grandpa

Pandit’s wish : when i die,
I wanna die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep
not screaming
like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

Pandit wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.

Pandit wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Pandit:
“Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.”

Go and water the plants

Pandit told his servant:
Go and water the plants. Servant
its already raining. Pandit: So what?
Take an umbrella and go.

Teacher: “I killed a person”

Teacher: “I killed a person”
convert this sentence into future tense.
Pandit: The future tense is “u will go to jail”.

The report said, “DELIVERED”

Pandit sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came
to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

Pandit proposed a girl……

Pandit proposed a girl……
Girl said am 1 yr elder to u…….
Pandit said Oye no problem
soniye I’ll marry u next year.

Pandit Joined a new job

Pandit joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening?”
Pandit :”Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright”

A Pandit saw a Beautiful Girl

A Pandit saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: “STUPID what r u doing?”
Pandit: B.Com final year”

ATM Jammed because of …

Breaking News
ATM @ Gulshan-e-Iqbal Is Jammed &
Not In Working Condition
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
Pandit’s Wife Put Hair pin In Machine
When It Said”, Enter Ur PIN” 😉

Why did u shoot ur wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shooting her lover?

Pandit:Your honor,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

I want my child to laugh

Police:Instead of hospital why did u take ur wife to COMEDY MOVIE during pregnancy
Pandit: ALL the child were crying when they born
I want my child to laugh so i take my wife TO CINEMA

A Pandit ji photographer is focusing

A Pandit ji photographer is focusing
a dead body’s face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

How do you recognize a Pandit in School?

How do you recognize a Pandit in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the board.

Lady wanted 2 go 2 toilet

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a Pandit
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,

Pandit ji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

What is a adult joke?

Pandit ji was asked,
what is a adult joke?

Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.

Pandit was wearing mosquito net

In battle Pandit was wearing mosquito net
instead of bullet proof jacket
why?
?
?
?
Pandit replied
O jis me machar nai ja sakte
goli kasee jaye gi

You will die within 2 hours

Doctor to Pandit : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Pandit : Yes. A good doctor.

Pandit Bunks office

Pandit Bunks office n goes to home.
He saw his wife with his boss.
He comes back running office and says,
‘baap re, boss ne dekh liya hota to maar daalta.

Oye Kamaal ki gaade hai, Tea se start hoti hai

Pandit : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Pandit : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaare gaade petrol se start hoti hai.

Teacher: How Do You Differentiate

Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
“WIFE” & “MOTHER”

Pandit:
Before Marriage We Sleep With “MOTHER”
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our “WIFE”

Pandit shopping early

Judge: why r u arrested?
Pandit: for shopping early?
Judge: well, that’s not a crime,
anyway how early were u shopping?

Pandit: before opening the shop…..:p

An essay on cricket match

Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Pandit ji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!

2 Pandit were fixing a bomb in a car.

2 Pandit were fixing a bomb in a car.
Pandit 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Pandit 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more.

Chemical symbols & Pandit

Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Pandit: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Pandit: NA

Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Pandit: BANANA

What is the full form of Pandit

What is the full form of Pandit:

P-Pandit
A-Adme
N-Nahi
D-Donkey
I-In
T-Thoti.

No word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary

Hitler says,
“There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary”
Pandit says:Ab bolne se kiya fayidah?
“Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na”:D

Pandit was busy removing a wheel

Pandit was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks Pandit why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
Pandit : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler